27/3/2017: Better late than never I guess! It's been a long month this March has... And I question what April is going to be like, my birthday month. I have only been back to work two weeks now, not even. I will talk a bit about what's been going on.
Last week was a really long week at work seeing that it was my first full week back. I have been trying to take as many precautions as I can not to get sick as I have been around so many people with this years flu... Everyone seems to have this horrible cough and I really hope I don't end up with it, or worse yet the stomach flu....
Anyways you aren't here to listen to me whine - I'll save that for after. :P
Mimitchi Tamagotchi has been paused for the most part since I got him back. In fact I haven't been putting him to bed at night and just pause and unpause him until he completes his 13 hour wake day. As a result he is still just the ripe young age of 8. :)
My yellow with vines Morino Tamagotch restarted twice on me last week so I ended up hatching my yellow/red/green & orange leaves one (old faithful) and he has lived a great life. He went into his cocoon at the age of 4, weighing 54mg and I kept the temperature in the cold side thinking I might get the twin ants. Well I ended up with Gejitchi, a character I got once almost a year ago now and glady welcome back into my life. An animation can be seen of him on my Morino blogs page (entry dated Tuesday, May 10, 2016). He is doing very well at age 6 today, but I have missed some predator attacks... Poor sweet Gejitchi getting mauled by that frog aka Evan (inside joke with Shawn). ;P I've become a rather bad caretaker lately...
Sekoritchi my series1 Japanese seceret character died this evening at the old age of 25. We were just sitting here in the dining room writing this when it happened. He was very demanding in his last few days and I sometimes let him beep several times before I cared for him. Work has been really busy and I've been training other people in my position for when full time staff go on holidays this year. He was a very patient little guy and held on for way longer than I thought he would considering how poorly he was cared for..... I really liked this character. I find all the secret characters in P1/P2 very interesting. :) Maybe I'll get him again someday.....
Tonight I needed to cheer myself up so I hatched a DigiMon, my grey/brown one, this evening at 6:31PM. The sky is the limit and I welcome anyone I've not had yet character wise. The problem I have always had with Digi is figuring out how to get someone in the middle of the best and worst, so we will see what I end up with in a week I guess. :) My caretaking has been kinda slack lately so maybe I will get someone new? He changed just then into Koromon and went fast asleep at 7:45PM.
Now that you're all up to date on my Tamas, it's time for me to whine. Things had been looking up there for a little while but they seem to have gone downhill again. The thing about this mental illness I have is that it's a day to day kind of journey. You either wake up with it or you don't, there's no middle ground. I do remember a time when I had a somewhat healthy level of anxiety and peace combined, but it's been a really long time. It's been since my teens for sure since I felt that happy medium and that is sad to me. That basically tells you that all of my twenties up to this point has been nothing but stress with some good days mixed in, sometimes a good two weeks straight. That isn't good enough, and my doctor had to be the one to tell me that is not good enough today.
It's almost like I've accepted that this is what the rest of my life is going to be like. In a sense I think I have because I know no other way of living. I'm supposed to be going to a wedding this summer with my family. We are going to be travelling out of the province which is a big deal for me. The last time I travelled for a family gathering in 2013 it did not go well at all, and I mean AT ALL. I wasted the entire two weeks of vacation I had that year on a trip where I was just in a constant state of anxiety and feeling so sorry for myself I couldn't even look people in the eye and have a conversation with them.
I have been finding it hard being back at work to say the least. I don't know if the medications I am on are working like they did three years ago. I am going to keep checking back with my doctor and see what the best plan of action is....
Perhaps getting back here more often to write would help some... But I'm not sure. For a long time this page was my escape from real life problems, and now I've pretty much let the flood gates open about the anxiety and mental health... Well maybe I will just have to be passionate about both subjects now!
One of the things I wanted to write here tonight is the fact that I can be having the worst panic attack every and look completely calm (aside from redness in my face) and I don't get hysterical or freak out or anything. I would say the most noticable sign for me is if I rock back and forth all hunched over, or pacing around the house in circles with a glass of water. As quiet as I might be on the outisde, I am freaking out inside and it is beyond stressful. It is sooo hard for me to wind down after a work day. :( And by the time I have 'relaxed' myself, it's 10PM and time for bed.
Anyways it has been taking me forever to write this blog tonight. It's just after 9PM now and I am hoping for a better nights sleep than last night. I am gonna spell check this bad boy and head off to find something to watch on TV before bed. :)
Update: My Morino Tama passed away today (the 28th) at age 7. I was on my lunch hour at Matt's place when I looked down to see the little ghost on the screen. I waited till after work to restart him and now have Babymotchi! Gonna try for another character, maybe the twin ants. ;)
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